Gleevec

Wrote on April 4th:

My mom recently started taking a high dosage of Gleevec. We're not sure if it's the medicine it's self, the combination of it and her other meds or just everything overall but she's been more confused than ever. Yesterday she thought she had just moved into the apartment she's in now and couldn't figure out anything the rest of the day such as why she was there or anything. She's been living in that apartment since '07. At the moment she's not sure but she's thinking about stopping taking it. Her doctors told her - when she first got the meds - that she can try them and if she doesn't like them or has bad side effects, then she can just stop taking them.

Since then dad took mom off of the Gleevec and things have somewhat gotten better. She's not as confused as that anymore, but she is still having memory issues. When I stopped by to see her a few weekends ago, she kept asking me what was going on. I had to explain about the surgery all over again. She thought it had been done on the left side of her head because she could feel the bumps there. That was the side she had the shunt put into. I explained about it and that the surgery for the chordoma was on the right side. It was hard seeing her get so upset over it. Although I think most of her being upset was over the fact that she couldn't remember what happened, when it happened and everything dealing with it. Every time I visit her, she tells me how sorry she is for being so emotional and always asking questions about what's going on and why she can't remember anything. I always tell her it's okay but really it's hard to tell her the story over and over again. It was hard going through it with her when it first happened. I know it's not going to get easier and I've accepted that. I just wish it was a little easier to hold my emotions in while talking to her so I didn't upset her more.

Stay Strong

I try to think of the best and that mom will be with us for a long time yet, but there are times where everything gets to me and I worry about the day that that will no longer be true. Currently I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress. There are girls on here who are shopping for a dress without their mom there because a disease took that away from them. Watching this show sometimes really gets to me because I wonder about it for me. Will my mom still be here and get to help me pick out a dress for my big day? Will my mom be able to watch me walk down the aisle and get married? Or will I be doing it all and only be able to hope that I was doing and choosing things my mom would approve of and be proud of? I hate thinking like that but there are times where I can't not think about it. Trying to stay strong and think positive.