You Give Me Hope

Between the Trees - You Give Me Hope

Stay Strong

I try to think of the best and that mom will be with us for a long time yet, but there are times where everything gets to me and I worry about the day that that will no longer be true. Currently I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress. There are girls on here who are shopping for a dress without their mom there because a disease took that away from them. Watching this show sometimes really gets to me because I wonder about it for me. Will my mom still be here and get to help me pick out a dress for my big day? Will my mom be able to watch me walk down the aisle and get married? Or will I be doing it all and only be able to hope that I was doing and choosing things my mom would approve of and be proud of? I hate thinking like that but there are times where I can't not think about it. Trying to stay strong and think positive.

Driving

When I was younger - I'm not sure how old - my mom took Amy and I to do something. Honestly, at this point, I don't actually remember where we were going or why we were going there, but I do remember what happened on the way there. We didn't make it far from home before mom ended up driving onto the left side of the road. I wasn't sure what was happening since I was in the backseat. Then I think she turned on her left blinker, drove off into the ditch as if it was a left turn lane at a stop light. She turned and suddenly we were driving into a corn field making a left turn. Amy and I screamed at her to stop and were crying and just trying to make it all end. Neither of us had any idea what was going on or why it was happening, but it was and we just wanted rewind time and just go back home. Eventually she stopped and from there on I don't really remember much. On the other side of the road was a drop of into the woods, so needless to say, I was scared thinking about what would have happened if we had turned the other way.

Once I was old enough to start driving, I was excited. I mean, who isn't? You get freedom and can do what you want, when you want to. I didn't stay excited for long, though. Dad would take me driving and at random times I'd suddenly feel like I was about to burst into tears. I was never comfortable behind the wheel. Whether it was from remembering that night or just because I was scared of something else, I just couldn't do it. I didn't get my license for years. I was pushed by family members and friends to get it. They'd always tell me that 'it's not that bad' and 'how do you survive without it'. There were so many things that they'd say. Some would even make fun of me. I was never able to really tell people why I was scared of taking that step and driving. Eventually I did get my license and now I was comfortable with driving. It doesn't seem like a big deal anymore and it's because I took my time and did it when I was ready - not when everyone was trying to force me to.