Conversations With Mom

We never really realize what we take for granted until we see it taken away from someone else and see how hard it really would be. Watching them go through that and only being able to be minimal help is hard. Trying to put yourself in their shoes makes you wonder how they can be so strong to stay positive through everything being thrown at them.

Ever since the surgery, whenever I go to visit my mom I worry about the conversation. Not really the part where she asks the same questions multiple times because she doesn't remember or having to explain something again. It's more so the part where she gets emotional and asks about the surgery she had. She doesn't remember when, why or what happened. She just knows that it did happen. There are many times where she asks me to explain the whole thing for her and I understand why she wants to know. I would want to know, also. But having to re-tell the story every time I go to visit her gets really hard on me. It's an emotional thing. I've been thinking about making a ShutterFly book for her. We made one for the Chordoma Conference trip and Sandy made one for her after that. I'm not sure at the moment what that one was. I'm pretty sure it had to do with the surgery but it doesn't explain in it what happened. I'm thinking of writing it up and putting it together with some pictures of family so she can re-read it whenever she wants to know what happened.

Tattoos

You know what really bothers me about people now days? They don't believe half of what you say. They believe what they want and that's it. I know everyone has different thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc. But you can't tell me what I should think or feel. Just like when it comes to tattoos. No one can tell me what I think about them. And, honestly, most the time I don't care what you think about them. "Tattoos don't have meaning like they used to." You don't know that. There is no way for you to know what a tattoo means to a person. Yeah, there are tattoos out there that don't have a real serious meaning, but to the person there is still a meaning. If they got it tattooed on them, then it does mean something to that. Simple as that. Just like my tattoos. For example, my bird:

Done by Jake Haag at A Brand New Tattoo in Eau Claire

What it looks like is all people can see about it. They don't know the meaning behind it unless they ask me or I tell them. Otherwise someone might see and think, "Her tattoo doesn't even mean anything. It's just a bird." No. It's not just a bird. Not to me. Same with the flowers. Why this tattoo means so much to me: This tattoo is a Goldfinch with Blue Cosmo flowers. My grandpa (who passed away in 2010) was always watching the birds outside through his picture window. It was something we did together every time I was there. His favorite birds were Goldfinched and Cardinals. I wanted to get something in memory of him and nothing reminds me of him more than the birds. The cosmos? Not typically colored blue, but I wanted a personal touch to theme. Blue is the color of the Chordoma Foundation so I incorporated that color into this tattoo so it means even more to me. It is my grandpa and mom tattoo. It means the world to me. I wouldn't change it for anything. People may see it as just a pretty bird, but to me it's more. And the only person who gets a real say in if my tattoo has meaning or not is me. In January just before my mom went in for surgery, I got another tattoo. When my dad and sister visited her a couple days before the surgery, I had my sister get my mom to write the word 'Persevere' on a piece of paper. When they got back, I took that paper to A Brand New Tattoo and got my fourth tattoo.

Done by Tim Morris at A Brand New Tattoo in Eau Claire

So don't tell me that tattoos don't have meaning anymore. You don't know everyone's personal stories. Until you do, keep your speech to yourself.